Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Behind the scenes: indie screenplay & book writing

A friend is presently reading Fallen Nation: Party At The World's End and seemed to have an interest in how the book came to be, so I shared some of the 'behind the scenes' backstory with her. It occurred to me that some of you may find this interesting. Those of you that know me should know that I never have been one to obfuscate or lie. Unlike a lot of people on the internet, I'm not going to lie to make it like my shit doesn't stink.

At any rate, if you're curious what it takes to get these kind of projects off the ground, here's a little slice of life. (Understanding that some of this is venting frustration and not a representation of a singular truth of any kind.)

Saturday, October 20, 2012

This blog, and on Being Broken

The last post was about some pretty personal things, and I've been thinking about the sites I presently write for.

So I've come to wonder, what is this blog for? I've used it for everything from discussion of the media industry to personal tirades. I am going to ask what you would like it to be, though I don't expect an answer.

My thought of course is to keep it to my work. However, as anyone who knows my work knows, most of my non-consultant work is deeply personal for me. As I get older and I think better at what I do, I write myself into my work less and less, but at the same time, all of it is mythologization of my life experience. What else could it be? As it becomes less personal, it becomes more personal.

So I come to wonder if there is a difference between "talking shop" and giving you little glimpses inside my head. The good, the bad, the idiotic. And hope that some of it hits the right person at the right time and really does something for their life. That's why I'm in this game.

So I'm going to share a piece I'm posting on Shaman Science:
Everyone is broken. We have this idea that if some particular thing goes our way, it'll be great. "Everything will be fine if..." Our outside circumstance rules our lives, and we pretend like we control that. Well that's a recipe for pain and anguish, but that's another story. Because it's all a recipe for pain and anguish until we come to recognize something down to our fucking bones. It simply isn't true that everything will be fine if. We are broken, whole and complete.  
There may come perfect moments, as the wheel of fortune spins and shines on you one day, but the next day she's just as likely to kick your teeth out. Fortuna's fickle like that.  
Our task is not to FIX ANYTHING. Rushing around, trying to pick up the pieces as more clatter to the ground. Things in this world must break to make room for new things. They break, they rot and fade.  
We also hold on to past failures and successes as a means of validating or propping ourselves up so that we don't appear broken. I have fought so hard to be validated as an artist that it nearly killed me, and that isn't hyperbole. We follow the rules and guilt propaganda of family, peers, media, government, all to hide from one another the dark secret that we are broken. Clearly no one must be allowed to know this.  
Stop. Stop doing this RIGHT NOW. You really can. It'll get a lot harder, of course. Habits are hard to break. But you can just stop, break, and turn in a new direction that you choose.
That is what we need to do to begin the real task: loving our brokenness, and loving from it, reveling in the unique way the pottery shattered and is shattering. All the beauty hides in the cracks. Find those that get this and don't expect you to play a game for them. Find them, love them, help them feel safe and cared for because the root of sorrow in transformation is not that life changes - it is that as Hunter said, no one is tending the light at the end of the tunnel. We have to do it for one another. We must learn to be better companions for one another, and that can never happen until we invest in loss and realize once and for all that there is nothing to hold on to. Life is simply a dream we won't remember upon awakening.  
But we can learn to make it a better one for one another. All we have to do to begin is stop hiding our brokenness. 
Some people are afraid not only to hide this, but even their humanity -- which includes being broken, to one degree or another, at one time or another -- through the web. What point is there in this medium, if we must hide from one another? I believe my work speaks for itself. We are stronger for what we've suffered, and stronger still to bear scars proudly. Join me in that.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Personal life, and hiatus off - kind of

Hello, everyone.

I want to talk about something a little personal, both to explain why I’ve been more absent and also to provide some context to the work that I’ve done. I am an assault survivor, as many of you know, of many instances especially in childhood. I’m sure many of you are as well. It rewires your brain in horrible ways. Makes you your own worst enemy. And I am naturally very creative, so my inner demons are crafty as fuck.

My wife has finally secured health insurance for us, so my doctors have been able to act on things they’ve wanted to for years – including starting me on fibromyalgia drugs, getting me an MRI, getting me physical therapy, and also cutting down the cost of the trauma therapy I’m going to. I have fibro, sciatica, celiac, and PTSD. These things don’t define me as a person, but they certainly have done their best to control my life. The secondary effects of these things can be worse than the primary ones – depression, anxiety. You get unimaginable rage from out of nowhere. You can’t trust anyone.

I’ve fought these things for years by going the opposite way. Many people who know me in person know me as one of the most laid back, calm people they know most of the time. That mask has slipped a bit lately and they have come to wonder who the hell I am. Well, this is the reason. But I don’t mean to imply that the odd, sarcastic, loving, laid back person people know isn’t me because it is. It’s just that there are many things inside that I have kept locked up for a long time.

I’m pondering reducing this hiatus to a slower pace. And I am thinking of working on a comic called the Demon Within.

In general I am scaling down my personal social media presence. My twitter is converted to @mythos_media. I still have a secret facebook account but my main one has been put on ice pending final decision – I got sick of the trolling and the timesink, and just didn’t see any people going from facebook to my sites or amazon and actually buying books or albums.

So here’s the deal. I work very hard for people I don’t know. I do. I’ve worked hard for the people out there that need what I have to say. But they won’t know they are those people until they’ve tried. So it’s a very unusual marketing conundrum there. I will send you any of the e copies of the material on except Immanence of Myth and Citizen Y (which Weaponized owns the rights on) for whatever amount you want to paypal me directly. This offer lasts as long as I feel like letting it last. So if you want to try out some of my work, help me pay some of these medical bills, and get cool, unique writing and art in the process, this is the way to do it.

Paypal to jamescurcio at gmail. That simple.
I am also looking to talk to more of you. I see that 20,000 people have downloaded a free chapter of one of my books last year. I had one that got downloaded over 100,000 times in a month. And yet I hear almost nothing these days from these people. Part of why I write is to find the others. Don’t be afraid to reach out to me. (Though if you’re a fucking whackjob I will probably blow you off.)

It is part of the tendency for PTSD to isolate, especially with the depression that comes along with it. I'm going to fight that. So I'm looking for new friends, and old friends, to be there. And I'll keep fighting. And creating for all of you. Because in the end, that's who I am making all of this for.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

October Updates

- The hiatus continues. But don't misunderstand what I said there to hear that I'm OUT. Just that I've got to be much more careful about what I invest my energy in, and also that the media industry is often a soul sucking hell, especially for those that hate popularity contests. If you think I should be in the game, help support my work.

- The layout for Words of Traitors was held up due to the layout artist going through a chaotic move. It seems that it should be on track this month.

- My back has been screwed the past few days, I think from the unseasonal heat, humidity and pressure. I'm hoping next week I'm in a bit less pain and feel a little more positive about everything. I don't pour out my heart like I used to back in the days of my livejournal, but suffice it to say 2012 and a good chunk of 2011 was incredibly difficult.

Love to the lovers, hate to the haters,
more chi, train harder.